Blaine
waved to the media as he and Katherine pulled away. When they got
to Emily’s residential home, a wave of anxiety and depression filled
Katherine’s heart. It never seemed to matter how infrequent her visits
were, every time she saw Emily the memories of her childhood, filled
with pain, struggle, and heartache, filled her thoughts. Blaine seemed
excited as he approached the desk first, inquiring about his aunt
and her whereabouts. As Katherine caught up, they were told she’d
been moved to a different wing where they were supposed to keep a
closer watch on her. According to the nurse, her state of mind and
behavior had grown worse over the last several years, and she required
more supervision.
Katherine hadn’t really focused on the looks of the place
until they were instructed to follow the nurse to Emily’s room. The
halls were narrow. The walls had large cracks, and though they were
a mintgreen color now, the loose paint chips revealed the multitude
of colors the walls had been. Katherine had to brush off some flecks
of paint from her pants as they maneuvered down the hall. The strong
stench of urine and cleaning solvent permeated the air simultaneously.
When they got to Emily’s room, and the door was opened, the only light
in the room came from the open cracks between the closed blinds. Katherine
could barely see the shape of a person slumped over in a large stuffed
chair in the corner. “The light seems to agitate her,” the nurse said,
“so we keep it pretty dark in here. Good morning, Emily. You have
visitors!”
“No need to turn any lights on,” Blaine announced. “I’m
able to see quite well in the dark.”
“I think that’s a wise idea. Sometimes she can get pretty
wild. There’s a button by the door if you have any problems, but you
can’t always count on us; this staff is spread so thin, if we were
a sandwich you wouldn’t even be able to find the meat.” Katherine
knew the nurse’s intent was to try and bring some levity to a serious
situation, but unfortunately she was filled with way too much fear
and trepidation to laugh. But Blaine laughed easily as the nurse smiled
and walked out the door. “Blaine, describe her for me. I can’t see
a thing,” Katherine asked nervously.
“Mom, be quiet for a minute.” Blaine walked slowly towards
Emily. He knelt down and looked like he was looking intently into
her face. Katherine could make out that she’d started to rock back
and forth. And then she started to moan and hum. Katherine wanted
to scream and run out of the room.
Though Blaine’s back was to Katherine, he spoke sternly.
“No, mom. Stay.”
Blaine continued to remain by Emily’s feet, while he introduced
himself and explained who he was. His voice was so calming; Emily
stopped rocking and seemed to be paying attention. He took her hand
into his, stroking it. She started making some cooing noises.
“She’ll be fine now, Mom. I can read her thoughts.”
“Oh my God. You can?”
“Of course. She’s telling me she’s missed you very much.”
“Can you ask her if I can open up the blinds a little
so I can see her face?”
A small pause . . . “She said a little is OK.” Katherine
walked over and pulled the cord slightly, until a few rays of light
made their way into the corner. Katherine walked closer to Emily,
with her heart in her throat. She was afraid of what she’d see in
Emily’s face. Would her eyes reveal all the missed visits? Would she
be confronted with a look that only loneliness and isolation can bring?
Every time she saw Emily, she was forced to square off with her own
feelings of failure. It was hard. Blaine continued to hold Emily’s
hand, which helped to keep her body from jerking.
What Katherine saw was crushing. Emily’s face was narrow
and pale, with visible cracks and scabs where she’d obviously clawed
at her skin. Her eyes were large and hollow looking, but they were
still pretty. They were a light blue with flecks of gold running through
them. Past the pain, Katherine picked up an innocence and sweetness
behind her sister’s tortured look. Her face had aged, but her spirit
gave the appearance of remaining childlike. Her hair was thin and
stringy, but it was still blond. Her body was anorexic, with knobby
arms and legs she managed to wrap tightly underneath her, the closer
Katherine got.
Katherine pulled up a chair and sat next to her. She was
feeling so many overwhelming feelings, she didn’t know where to begin.
Becoming a mother was giving Katherine a different perspective as
the images of her childhood flashed before her. She was still feeling
the usual guilt, but a new kind of tenderness came over her as she
studied her sister’s face. For the first time, she was seeing past
her own selfish perspective. She was seeing how vulnerable and emotionally
battered her sister had become from the disease.
Katherine’s head fell, and so did her tears as she leaned
over and gave her sister a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so sorry I didn’t
come to see you more often. Can you ever forgive me?”
Emily started to moan and rock.
“Mom, she understands. She doesn’t blame you for how you’ve
felt. She just missed your visits. She says no one ever talks to her,
no one that cares.” “Oh my God,” Katherine started sobbing, “I never
thought she could understand a thing I said.” “Emily, I promise Blaine
and I are going to come and see you a lot. From this day forward your
life is going to get better.” Katherine looked into eyes that were
twitching, and Emily’s head shifted from side to side. She took her
hand. “You’ll see.” Katherine proceeded to share with Emily what had
been happening in her life for the last several years. Once in a while
Katherine could see Emily trying to focus and giving her eye contact.
She could tell she was enjoying hearing all the news. And with Blaine’s
help, being able to get inside her sister’s head and unscramble her
thoughts, Katherine knew she and Emily could finally have the close
relationship she’d always craved.
“Blaine, I’m going to go out to the nurse’s station and
ask to speak to the doctor. Emily is way too thin, and those scabs
on her face need to be treated.” “OK, Mom. Emily and I will just hang
out.” Katherine marched out to the nurse’s station, ready to assert
her newly acquired big-sister status. “I’d like to speak to the doctor
in charge of my sister.” A very full-bodied nurse turned around to
respond.
“Listen lady, the doctor only comes to this facility once
a week, and he’s got a lot of patients to see. I can’t guarantee anything.”
“Well, that’s not satisfactory. My sister has scabs that
are getting infected on her face, and she’s very underweight.”
“So now, all of a sudden, you’re taking an interest?”
the nurse snapped.
Katherine swallowed. “Yes, that’s right. And you might
as well get used to it because you’ll be seeing a lot of me.”
“Yeah, we’ll see how long you last,” the nurse replied,
glaring back at Katherine.
“I want you to give my note to the doctor and have him
call me.”
The nurse grabbed the note out of Katherine’s hand and
crammed it into the doctor’s already overstuffed slot.
“Listen, Nurse Cratchett, your attitude stinks. I have
access to the media almost weekly, and I’m quite sure the owner of
this place wouldn’t want his license revoked when the media finds
out how neglected the patients are here.”
“Lady, I don’t get paid enough to worry about legal matters.”
“Well, from the looks of you, I guess you being out of
a job and not having enough to eat won’t hurt you any. So don’t worry
about it. Just make sure the doctor gets my note and calls me.” Katherine
whipped herself around and walked briskly back to Emily’s room. She
felt invigorated. When she walked in, Emily was actually out of the
chair and sitting on the floor with Blaine playing old maid.
“She likes me, Mom. I’m helping her organize her thoughts.”
“You’re going to make a wonderful nephew. But honey, we
need to go because it’s almost time for your appointment with Dr.
Tokewa.” Emily looked up and Katherine saw a genuine reaction of sadness
in her eyes. “Oh, Emily, we’ll be coming to visit you every week.
I promise.” Emily rocked and moaned with delight.
